Tuesday, September 21, 2010


On Saturday, Katy and I spent all day downtown on errands for the wedding. It was a full day, exhausting really, and at the end there was less to show for it than we had hoped; maybe a few new ideas for invitations and, after a conference call squeezed in during lunch at Macy's food court, a strong lead on a Dallas photographer.

That night was tough for us. We were both restless. Neither the lack of productivity for the day nor the carryout pizza we had for dinner sat well. We tried watching a movie, but we were each miles away. She left for home early, checked out, done. I couldn't blame her.

On Sundays, we try to observe a sabbath from wedding talk, but there was one more paper store to check out for invitations. Initial excitment gave way to practical realities. Another confusing and fruitless afternoon.

We went back to my apartment. The Cowboys were playing the Bears. We had chili, dozed off and on lightly. Again, restless. The weight of the decisions to be made, tasks to be checked off the list, budgets to be reconciled, all piled up in the back of our minds. We were overwhelmed, and each too afraid to admit it.

It came to a head for me yesterday. More confusing/potentially costly news about my car. A reprimand at my second job. A swing in weather patterns bringing an allergy attack. The combined stresses instigated a migraine. I had to drop off Katy's car at her place last night, and I warned her, "I'm only going to stay a few minutes. I just need to get home to bed. I can't take much more of today."

Tonight we had to repeat the car hand-off. She picked me up at work, then drove us both to her place, where she parked in front of the building. As she reached over and turned on the hazard lights, she asked, "Want to talk about it?"

So we sat in her Toyota on Wellington Avenue and unpacked it all. The frustrations of the prior few days, the difficulty of seeing the other so stressed, the uncertainty of knowing how to help, and all the worries and fears it triggered in me about my ability to provide for her, protect us.

Katy listened patiently, looked me in the eyes, held my hand, and spoke to me about her love for me, her belief in us, the promises of our faith, the reality of both the inevitability of some failure and the great things which had already been done. She touched my face, kissed me gently, rested her forehead on mine. As we sat silent for a moment, I grabbed a few breaths and made the choice to trade an overwhelming worry for an overabundant love.


  1. Hang in their bro! You've got a fantastic girl and in the end that's all that matters. Cars, jobs, stuff, all of it don't matter a lick. I share with you our philosophy when we got married. BE SELFISH! Not selfish in a jerk sort of way. Selfish in the way that's it's all about your and Katy right now. This only happens once in your life so don't let all the little things that seem so big right now get in the way. Be selfish and think about what makes the two of you happy and I promise you that everyone else will be just as happy in the end. Remember WE want to celebrate your union. So don't worry about anyone else. You da man!

  2. Lovely post, Andy. This is why we marry. For someone to look into our eyes, and *hear* us and love us in spite of our fears and failures. Even when life is swirling around you in crazy rapids that you can't navigate alone, just resting on the other one helps sometimes. So glad you have found each other.

    At one point during our engagement, I ended up in tears and stressed out. While the details escape me now, I remember distinctly wondering "WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?! What's WRONG with me?!" ...

    Well, um, HELLO!? There is a whole lot of transition during engagement and decisions to be made and all that stuff. You're not making it up, the list IS long. My advice - work hard not to beat yourself up if you just start feeling it all. It really is a lot. And ya'll are getting it all done quickly.

    Chris is right, we do want to celebrate you. And if we can, we'd like to help. Need a stationery solution? I've got a nice one in TN I can recommend...

  3. Wonderful post, Andy. You know, it kinda reminded me of a day in the life of a marriage. :-) I wonder if God is giving you a sneak peek of the glory of being "naked and unashamed" with the person you're about to spend the rest of your life with.

    My assessment might be unorthodox, but from my experience, those "little" things you mentioned do matter because they're real, they affect how you feel at the end of the day and they can influence the way you treat one another.

    The tremendously reassuring part is that you've found in each other someone you can share all of it with -- the good, bad, ugly and beautiful. The stress will subside, you'll forget why this particular episode was so overwhelming, but the lessons you're learning during your engagement will prove so useful when you're married. They teach you how to communicate, show respect, deal with conflict and love each other in a way that's not possible when everything is all roses. And I imagine that'll carry you a lot further than if everything was smooth sailin'.

    I'm very excited for you and the adventures that lie ahead. They're filled with joy, uncertainty, hope and so much more and you have exactly the right person on the journey with you :-)

  4. Aw, so good. For the two of you to understand one another is such a good thing. I can tell you that I planned my wedding in about three months and it was crazy and exactly the way I wanted it. I'm so glad I didn't spend a year on it. I'm really good with upcoming deadlines and terrible with long stretches of time.