Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Old Pros: A Q&A Contest

This weekend I'll be playing host to my friends Jeremy & Courtney, who have been married for just under 3 months. It dawned on me last night that this is a GREAT opportunity to get some newlywed advice from a couple in the thick of it.

So I'm opening up a contest. In the comments section below, offer up your best questions to ask a newlywed couple. Anything goes: money, in-laws, TV remote power struggles, bedroom encounters. I'll pick my favorite 10 and publish the Q&A with them after the weekend. Katy and I will also pick our favorite question, and the person who submitted it will win a jar of delicious homemade hot fudge from Margie's Candies here in Chicago. May not mean much to you unless you've had it before, but trust me it's goooooood. The polls close at noon on Friday, September 24. And just a disclaimer that even though we ask the questions, the newlyweds may still choose not to answer them. But we can at least try.


  1. Andy,

    Boy, I don't think I've seen or talked with you in years but meandering around Facebook today (when I should have been working) I ran across your blog. Next thing I know I'm engulfed in all things Akester. Congrats on the engagement!

    As a professional married man, speaking from one year of experience, I think this is a great post. During our marriage counseling, the couple meeting with us kept taking us back to one idea... "The story of your marriage is to show Christ to one another". But, after several months of counseling (and now a year of marriage) we're still left with the question: How do you show Christ to the ones you love... especially your spouse? So, that's my question. There's also a great book of questions (with a horrible title) called Preventing Divorce by Greg McPherson. It's out of print but still here and there. It's nothing but questions in every category you can imagine. That book alone should make the top ten list.

    Great to see things are going so well!
    -Tyler A.

  2. What difference have you discovered that was the biggest surprise? Something the two of you hadn't even thought to discuss.
    (Bill and I discussed almost nothing beforehand...but that was 42 years ago and not many people I knew had pre-marital counseling)
    Certainly not expecting to be the big winner, especially with Tyler A's post. I already vote for him. Can't wait to see the answers!

  3. Here's my question to ask..Where do you see yourselves in say 30 or 40 years..where will your lives have taken you?? It'll be interesting to see what each of them say!!

  4. hmmmm. Well lets see..
    Whats something you've learned from your parents marriage that you've taken to help your marriage?

    If you had the wedding to do over again would you have eloped?

    Money is always a big issue for couples so I would pick their brain about how they handle the finances. Who is better about handling money? who pays the bills? How do you have your bank accounts set up?

    Whats a habit of your spouse that you've discovered after being married?

    Has comminucation changed after being married?

    Yea so thats all I got. Hope those are helpful. So happy for you!

  5. Okay, this is a serious matter. Very serious. I think a question that newly married couples should ask each other before they get married is: do you sleep with the bedroom door open or closed? Serious because if you don't specify this, you may find yourself running into a closed door at 2:00am on night 1 as you try to get to the bathroom. The follow up question is, "What is the proper response to your wife ramming her face into a door?"

    Hint: It is not to laugh.

  6. Wow. Three months is so short, and marriage is such a huge change. I know it took me a lot longer than that to adjust. I think one of the most important aspects is compromise on little stuff (hopefully you've already talked about the big stuff) - each of you do pretty much everything differently than the other in your single lives. Now you have to align those two worlds - from how you sort laundry to which family you spend holidays with to who gets in the shower first in the morning. It's crucial to come to joint decisions by conversation or habit where each person gives some of the time and isn't resentful that they have to start doing everything the other person's way. My question would be "what's the biggest compromise you feel you've had to make so far?" A follow up question would be "how was that decision made - actively or passively?".

    Happy grilling the happy couple. :)

  7. Question Andy to ask Katy, "Cuddle-dove, you're cool not living in Texas ever again, right?"

    Question Katy to ask Andy, "Baby-cakes, you're cool when I decide on a whim that we should move to Texas, right?"

  8. *whew* Made the deadline.

    Does one of you want to cuddle all night while the other one doesn't want to be touched while sleeping, and how do you compromise?

    Do you know each other's love language, and how do you handle differences? (Like when one of you is a physical touch person and feels secure in the relationship when he/she is touched, while the other needs to be alone much of the time to stay sane?) How have you learned to love each other in ways that are purely for the sake of your spouse over the last three months?

    [Don't read too much about my own marriage in these questions. Keith and I cuddle ALL NIGHT LONG!!!]

    The wedding is usually a time when so much is going on that it's nearly impossible to catch it all. What thing(s) should we definitely not "miss"?

    Are there characteristics or traits you see in other people that have made you think sometime in the past, "Boy, I am NOT like that. How odd," and have you found any of those traits in your spouse? Is there anything about which you ever said, "I will NEVER marry someone who..." that you have discovered your spouse does?

    Have you noticed that quirks or issues in your spouse's personality that didn't bother you much while engaged are now a big issue between you?

    After three months, what's your favorite part about being married?

    If you could do it all over again, would you have waited longer to get married, married sooner, or married at the same time?

    What were you looking forward to most about being married, and has it lived up to your expectations?

    Is there anything that you weren't expecting about being married that has surprised and delighted you?

    What do you wish you had known about being a newlywed before you got married?

    What's your best wedding night/honeymoon advice?

    What do you appreciate most about your spouse after being married for three months? Have you learned anything about your spouse that absolutely amazes you?

    You can mail the fudge to the following address...

  9. What has been the most challenging or unexpected aspect of your adjustment from single to married life?

  10. I'm beginning to feel bad for your house guests! Did they know they were getting into this??

    My questions are pretty simple, but the answers are immensely helpful to for each spouse to know. For the ladies: What makes you feel loved? For the menfolk: What makes you feel respected.

    Can't wait to hear the answers!!

  11. Oh there is still time! I would say- how did you resolve the toilet seat issue?